“You Forgot That I Existed:” Two Daughters to Moms With Alzheimer’s on Coping, Community, and Their Podcast ‘Love Letter’

March 14, 2025

Joanna Anderson and Sue Nicolaidis are daughters to moms with Alzheimer’s. They co-host the podcast “You Forgot That I Existed.”

Sue Nicolaidis

Both of Sue’s parents have passed from dementia/Alzheimer’s disease. When she isn’t producing this podcast, Sue is obsessing over recipes, walking her dogs in the mountains, and spending time with her 2 college kids and husband.

As I drove through a brutal ice storm, moving my mom from Ohio to Texas, I couldn’t help but question whether I had made the right choice. Relocating my mom from her home of 45 years in Ohio to an assisted living facility in Texas was an incredibly tough decision. Surprisingly, my mom was remarkably accepting of the change and looked forward to being closer to her grandchildren, ages 9 and 11. 

She was aware of her cognitive decline, and we realized that there was no one left in Ohio who could properly oversee her health and the shifts in her personality. We believed this move was the safest option for her. At the time, I was a stay-at-home mom, and I convinced myself I would have ample time to focus on caring for her. Her new facility was just across the street from my house, making it easy to visit daily. But it didn’t take long for the symptoms to worsen. Moving someone with dementia was scary, but it seemed to be the best option we had. 

Over the next three years, my mom experienced falls, hospitalizations, and eventually transitioned to a memory care facility. I realized I was neglecting my own well-being, feeling increasingly isolated. I lost a significant amount of weight and found myself consumed with guilt over every decision I made. 

Being fiercely independent, I tend to keep my feelings to myself. I knew I was overwhelmed. My family and close friends were incredibly kind and supportive, providing me with occasional moments of escape. But, I never spoke to anyone about the immense toll caring for my mom was taking on me. 

When my mom passed in 2017, I felt a strange sense of relief, knowing she was finally free from her suffering. However, the guilt never left. I continued to have vivid dreams where I questioned whether I had done enough. 

Looking back, I understand now that I did the best I could, but I also knew I never wanted anyone else to go through the same emotional burden as a caregiver. Fast forward three years…

Joanna Anderson

Joanna’s mom, Gaga, has been in assisted living since 2020 and recently moved to Memory Care. Besides being part of a care team for her mom, Joanna is a luxury travel advisor, a mom of two college aged children, and a wife of 25 years.

The big day had finally arrived. After much persuasion, we convinced my mom to visit the assisted living center we had chosen for her. We were a bundle of nerves, filled with a mix of anxiety and anticipation. Her memory had been declining for almost a year, but she was still reluctant to visit. The thought of losing her independence was too much to bear. 

As soon as we stepped into the beautiful lobby, however, she spotted a piano and immediately sat down to play. My sisters and I couldn’t help but get emotional as we watched her play with the same grace and beauty she had all our lives. Alzheimer’s hadn’t taken that from us yet. I quickly recorded a short clip to preserve the moment and posted it on social media without comment.

What happened next changed the lives of two long-time friends in ways we could never have imagined. 

Sue saw my post and immediately texted me, asking if my mom had Alzheimer’s. Somehow, just from that video, she understood exactly what I was going through. 

What I later discovered was that Sue had walked this same painful path with her own mom just a few years before — alone. Tragically, Alzheimer’s had already taken her mom. 

What began as quick texts about pop culture between the two of us almost daily soon blossomed into long conversations — about what I was experiencing, about what Sue had gone through, and all the questions I still had as we navigated this journey with my mom. It was a balm for my broken heart to have a friend to laugh with, to share the funny and painful moments, and to brainstorm together. 

We quickly realized that no one should go through this alone. 

It’s an incredibly tough journey, and you need support from people who’ve been there. In a vulnerable moment, we decided to pick up some microphones and start recording our conversations — hoping that there might be others who needed a tribe of women to lean on. 

That’s how our podcast, You Forgot That I Existed, was born. It’s a space where people can ask questions, find answers, and talk openly about their experiences as caregivers — while also finding humor in the everyday challenges we face. 

Our community has grown, and we find so much joy in providing a space where people can share and be heard. Turning something so heartbreaking into something that helps others is something our moms, Janet and Johnnie, would be incredibly proud of. This podcast is, in essence, a love letter to them.