Bob Stryer and Lori Golden-Stryer: From MCI Diagnosis to Hit Podcast

One morning, Lori noticed her husband, Bob, couldn’t form a sentence — he was having a stroke. He was diagnosed with MCI due to vascular disease. Now, six years later, they’re recording the third season of their podcast: “Living Our Best With Memory Loss.” Here, Bob and Lori share their journey.

This article is part of the Journey to Diagnosis series, produced by Being Patient with support provided by Eli Lilly.

One morning in 2019, RIVR Media CEO Lori Golden-Stryer noticed that her husband, Bob Stryer, couldn’t speak. Sitting with their breakfast, she began to ask if he could speak in a complete sentence about what was around them in the kitchen.  

“I said, ‘I need you to describe what you see in the kitchen. I’m looking at counters. I’m looking at cabinets. I see a faucet.”’ Lori recalled. “He could barely get the word ‘counter’ out and ‘cabinet.’ I said, ‘What else do you see? Because I see a refrigerator in a sink,’ and he could not tell me.”

Bob was having a stroke. After rushing to the hospital, he was diagnosed with MCI and vascular disease. Testing and MRI results also indicated mini-strokes before then that could have contributed to his diagnosis. 

While this moment was when Bob realized something was wrong, Lori had been worried for quite some time because he was exhibiting personality changes, issues with time, and forgetting to pay the bills. In navigating this diagnosis together, they realized they needed to share their story and talk with others about living with memory loss. 

Six years later, they’re recording their third season of Living Our Best With Memory Loss, a podcast by and for people with memory loss, featuring three hosts with cognitive impairment: Bob Stryer, Denis Lowe, and SuAnn Cobb. They also interviewed Being Patient founder Deborah Kan to open their second season. 

Bob and Lori joined Deborah Kan, this time as interviewees, to discuss their experience navigating this diagnosis and starting this podcast. Read or watch the conversation below. 

Being Patient: Bob, in hindsight, were there signs of memory loss or cognitive decline that you think you may have missed? Lori, as a caregiver, did you notice anything off? 

Bob Stryer: I didn’t notice anything. My caregiver noticed a lot, but I really didn’t notice that there was anything wrong with me at that time.

Lori Golden-Stryer: It made it difficult on us because he didn’t see anything. I was seeing a total change in his personality. He’s always been funny and upbeat, and I just saw that he was becoming a little more angry, just losing Bob’s Stryer sense of humor. I saw a little bit of that, and then I also saw that bills weren’t being paid, and that’s very unusual for him. 

We’ve been married for 36 years. Bill typically went to his office, where he paid them, and then he took care of the bills. I tell the story often, [which is that] I came home, and the alarm went off in the house, so I disengaged it. Then I sat there, waiting for the alarm company [to say], “Are you okay, Mrs. Stryer, and what is your password?” Nobody called. 

Then I called the alarm company, and I said, “Hey, nobody called me,” and they said, “Well, you haven’t been connected to our service for over six months.” Then, all of a sudden, Bob would come home, and he would say, “American Express charged me interest, and I paid them.” 

It was always somebody else’s fault, but we weren’t paying our bills. That was one of the first signs I saw, and then it was personality. Then, there was confusion over time. We were always two hours early to the airport. We were that couple sitting there waiting to board, and he just was having a difficult time managing time. 

“It was always somebody else’s fault, but
we weren’t paying our bills. That was
one of the first signs I saw, and
then it was personality.”

Being Patient: Bob, do you remember feeling anxious about being unable to keep up with things? Did you start to have trouble keeping up with conversations, and did that cause you anxiety?

Bob Stryer: It just happened. I mean, I just never noticed anything until she would point it out to me that “You’re not paying the bills, and they’re coming after me.” So, I started concentrating on doing the bills, and I think I corrected that most of the time, but not all the time. 

What I found mostly was the time I was confused. If we have to be someplace at eight o’clock, I’d have to think about it: when am I going to have to leave and drive to it and do it? That was more of a conflict than the bill paying. 

As far as conversation, I didn’t feel that, but I felt the time frame. I would have to think about it for a long time and work it out in my mind: this is what I’m going to have to leave, and this will get me where I’m going to go. That was the most difficult thing. 

Being Patient: Lori, did you notice anything about Bob having issues with multitasking or keeping up with conversations?

Lori Golden-Stryer: I recall one night going to dinner with a girlfriend, and Bob joined us. We were having dinner, and I told my girlfriend something [was] not right. We sat through dinner, and after dinner, she called me and said, “I don’t think he can hear very well.” 

She noticed that he wasn’t tracking the conversation [and] wasn’t following what we were talking about. Then I’m thinking, “Oh, okay, it’s a hearing issue.” There were just so many little signs that I often misinterpreted for something else. 

Being Patient: When was the point for both of you that you realized that something was wrong and this was beyond normal aging? 

Bob Stryer: That didn’t happen until about five or six years ago; I had a stroke. When I recuperated from that, and then we went to the hospital and did an MRI. That’s when we got involved in all that. I wasn’t still aware until I went to the hospital, and the doctor showed me my MRI and said, “You had strokes, and you’ve possibly had many mini-strokes before that you didn’t even know about, and it never bothered you, but that’s probably what started it.”

Lori Golden-Stryer: [Pre-stroke], Bob sold his company a number of years ago, and we love the people [who] bought the company. Bob stayed on with them to consult, and they loved him. We have a great friendship. Then, one day, Bob came in from being out of town with them and said, “They fired me. They said they don’t need me anymore.” I said, “No, sweetie, they didn’t fire you. Your time is up for consulting with them.” 

He said, “That’s not true,” and I said, “Bob, we have a contract.” [He said] “I never signed a contract.” This was so unlike him because he was so great in business and so organized. I said, “We did. There’s a contract, and you’ve committed to staying with the company for three years. They extended it a year. Your time is up. You’re not being fired.” 

[He said,] “I never signed a contract,” so I went into a cabinet in our home, pulled out the contract, put it on the counter, and said, “There’s the contract.” He was like, “I don’t recall signing that,” and you literally have. I do love the term gas lighting because you think to yourself, “Am I going crazy?” I did that for so many years. I blamed it on our age difference. 

“I do love the term gas lighting because
you think to yourself, ‘Am I going crazy?’
I did that for so many years.
I blamed it on our age difference.”

We have a 24-year age difference, so I went through a stage where I was thinking, “Well, this just happens with someone getting older, and this is typical, or his personality has changed.” I went through several years of that. 

I think it’s important that men and women who have a loved one who’s exhibiting personality change or things that are so out of their character that it may be attributed to a memory loss diagnosis [or] a form of dementia. 

That was [the moment] for me, and he would not go to a doctor. I would say, “Bob, something is wrong.” “Nothing’s wrong,” and he’s stubborn. I couldn’t get him to a doctor. He would not go.

Being Patient: Lori, take me through the day Bob had a stroke, and you both saw the doctor. What was that like? 

Lori Golden-Stryer: I was relieved. I know it sounds crazy. I know that’s so weird to say, but it allowed us to go to the hospital, get a diagnosis, get an MRI, and see if there was a problem and there was. Yes, it was very scary, but it gave me confirmation of what I thought was going on. I was home, thank goodness, when he had the stroke. I can talk about that forever,

Bob Stryer: That I can remember. We were sitting around the kitchen table having dinner, and she just looked at me and said, “Give me a sentence.” I said, “A sentence of what?” “A sentence of what you see.” I go, “That’s ridiculous.” She says, “Give me a sentence,” and I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t give her a sentence. This was when I was going through the stroke.

“She says, ‘Give me a sentence,’ and
I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t give her a
sentence. This was when I was
going through the stroke.”

Lori Golden-Stryer: It was early morning, and that’s when I know folks are likely to have a stroke. It was early morning, and I brought us home some shameless promotion from McDonald’s for McMuffins. We were sitting at the countertop, and he was hardly saying anything, not speaking at all. 

I said, “What is happening here? Why aren’t you saying anything?” He just shrugged, and he just didn’t say anything. There was something in me that just said something was wrong. I said, “Bob, what do you see in the kitchen? Describe what you’re seeing.” 

He was adamant and said, “Why?” One-word replies. I said, “I need you to describe what you see in the kitchen. I’m looking at counters. I’m looking at cabinets. I see a faucet.” He could barely get the word “counter” out and “cabinet.” I said, “What else do you see? Because I see a refrigerator in a sink,” and he could not tell me, and so I thought he’s having a stroke. 

I did what you’re never supposed to do, and I threw him in the car, and I rushed him to the hospital. You’re not supposed to do that. Call 911, I’ve learned. I would just tell anybody if you see signs of that. He couldn’t find his words. I didn’t see anything drooping. I didn’t see any kind of paralysis, but he couldn’t form a sentence. 

“He couldn’t find his words.
I didn’t see anything drooping. I
didn’t see any kind of paralysis, but
he couldn’t form a sentence.”

Being Patient: At the hospital, after they had an MRI, what did the doctors say to you about the stroke and the mini-strokes? 

Lori Golden-Stryer: I had asked. I went to the doctor and said, “You’re about to do this. MRI, will it show previous damage if there’s something happened beforehand?” Then I explained to them what I had exhibited and had seen, and they said it should show it, and it did. 

I said earlier that it was a tremendous relief. It validated everything I had seen. They could see the previous damage and then the damage, of course, what the new one did.

Being Patient: Bob, when the doctors communicated that you had Mild Cognitive Impairment caused by vascular disease and that you had several mini-strokes before this stroke, what was going through your mind?

Bob Stryer: I think I got pretty scared at that time, and it was like someone hit me over the head and said, “God, you’re gonna die,” or something of that nature. When they started explaining what I had, I said, “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.” I never knew anybody who had Alzheimer’s. I never knew anybody who had memory loss. It’s funny because now I know thousands of people. I mean, I’ve just come across so many people that that have the same problem,

“I never knew anybody who had Alzheimer’s.
I never knew anybody who had memory loss.
It’s funny because now I
know thousands of people.”

Lori Golden-Stryer: That was a little bit surprising, and we were very lucky because we have a long-time friend who’s a general physician, and when I had seen some early signs, I called him and said, “Here’s what I think it is.” 

We talked through this so many times, [and] I was able to put Bob back then, pre-major stroke, on Aricept. I am so grateful to that physician and that we did that. Don’t ask me how I talked him into taking it because that was a whole thing.

I feel like, and you know so much more about this, it [may have] staved it off a bit. Had he not been on something previously, maybe we wouldn’t be where we are now. I don’t know, but I just feel like we did something. I just did not know what to do. I just knew I had to take some sort of action.

Being Patient: After that diagnosis, you both started the podcast Living Our Best with Memory Loss, with three of your hosts, including Bob, living with memory loss. Tell us about that and how that project came to be. 

Lori Golden-Stryer: I joined a support group, and it was one of the best things I did when Bob was diagnosed. I went to a wonderful psychiatrist, and she was fabulous, but I still needed to talk to people who were in my situation and were caregivers. 

I joined the support group, and I would come home, and I would tell Bob, “Wow, this is so great. I’m learning so much.” Then, my colleague David Bolinger, who also helps produce the podcast with us—his aunt has a diagnosis, and we would all talk about how we need to educate people. We [needed] to get the word out there, and then it was really Bob’s idea. 

Bob Stryer: I said, “We ought to do a podcast and bring people on [who] have the problem.” I don’t want to hear from just doctors. I want to hear from the people [with] the problem, and let’s call it “Living Our Best with Memory Loss,” and that’s what we’re doing.

Lori Golden-Stryer: I said to you, “What do you know about podcasts?” 

Bob Stryer: Absolutely nothing. I’ve never listened to one in my entire life. We started this one from scratch. We did a lot of research and did a lot of reading on it, and we said, “Let’s just go for it.” We did, and now we’re going on our third year. We’ve had 25 people on: doctors and lawyers, you, and everybody. We now have 2400 subscribers to the podcast. 

It’s growing every week. Why? I don’t know, but it’s a good thing because the more people I see [who] have even worse afflictions than I have, I think something needs to be done, and people need to learn exactly what it is. So, that’s exactly what we’re doing; it’s just letting people know. 

“It’s growing every week. Why? I don’t
know, but it’s a good thing because the
more people I see [who] have even worse
afflictions than I have, I think something
needs to be done, and people
need to learn exactly what it is.”

Being Patient: Tell us more about the inspiration behind the podcast and your approach to talking about memory loss. 

Lori Golden-Stryer: We’re informing people. That’s why we wanted to do it. It’s a great thing. It was important that we had people on our podcast, our hosts, to show that we are living our best with memory loss. It’s a tough diagnosis to hear and to live with, but you can have a great life, and we are living our best. 

We [were] very fortunate to meet SuAnn Cobb, and she has MCI brought on by multiple sclerosis, and she’s one of our hosts. Then, of course, Denis Lowe, who has early onset Alzheimer’s, and he’s terrific. 

We wanted the podcast to be authentic. If, for instance, Bob starts something out and he can’t remember what it is, then we put that on the podcast. We’re not hiding behind a diagnosis. Denis, who suffers from aphasia, if he can’t find his words, we just patiently wait until he finds them. 

Sometimes, if he doesn’t, then we help him along. We wanted to be as authentic as possible. That was also the intent behind the podcast.

People can relate to that, too. I’m very fortunate my business partner, Dee Haslam, and I have had this company, RIVR Media, for 25 years. We have the ability to edit, and we have all the fancy cameras and the microphones and everything, but we don’t want to edit this. This is something that we want people to see: what the diagnosis is and that these people— Bob, Denis, and SuAnn—  are functioning and having a great life. Their intent is to get the message out there that others can, too.

“We have the ability to edit… but we don’t
want to edit this. This is something
that we want people to see: what the
diagnosis is and that these people —
Bob, Denis, and SuAnn — are
functioning and having a great life.”

Bob Stryer: The thing that I’ve found [is] that most people who are first diagnosed, they do hide it. They’re embarrassed about it, and they don’t talk about it, and we’re trying to change that. 

Lori Golden-Stryer: We’ve met the best people. When I reached out to you, you said “Yes,” that you would be our guest because you’re the OG here. We would read your articles. It was Bob who introduced [me] to Being Patient. He said, “Lori, you need to read this.” I was like, “I’m going to reach out to her. She’ll never do this,” but then you said yes, and what I have found is folks like Teepa Snow and Adria Thompson, there are so many people who are in this group that have said yes, and it just goes to show their passion, their commitment. 

It just blows my mind. We had set out to just have folks on with the diagnosis and the area doctors, and suddenly, we have folks like you on and all these renowned folks joining us. I’m honored, and it blows me away how kind and wonderful people are because they, too, want to get so many messages out there. 

Being Patient: Bob, has anything changed in your lifestyle since you’ve gotten a diagnosis or your outlook? 

Bob Stryer: As far as time goes, that has gotten better. I can deal with it. I’m not worried about it. So, if I’m not worried about it, it works for me.

Lori Golden-Stryer: We have systems set up. We’ve got Alexis, we’ve got Siri, we’ve got our devices, and then he’s got me calling him when he remembers to have his phone with him and reminding him. 

Bob Stryer:  I said, “I gotta have some purpose.” That’s a big thing with anybody, especially when you’re retired. People that retire, whether they have memory loss or not, they need to have an activity. I said, “I need to be involved with something.” She says, “Well, there’s a lot of other charities out there you can do work for, or you can come work for me.”

“I said, ‘I gotta have some purpose.’
That’s a big thing with anybody,
especially when you’re retired.”

I said, “Well, I’m not sure how that would work,” but I come in like once every week. I look at video that she has done [or] has come in from all these people that have taken it [for] television shows. I get to write out what was good with it, what was bad with it, and what the problem is with it, or there’s no problem at all. It’s good. That’s [what] I’m doing now. That gives me purpose, as well as the podcast. I enjoy fishing, and I enjoy boating. We enjoy those things.

I walk every morning, and I work out every day. I don’t walk if the weather’s bad. [It’s] important to keep your health up. So many of these people just don’t do anything. They just sit and watch TV all day or whatever they do, and that’s not good. 

We try to [find] people that we can talk to. I’m on a Tuesday and Thursday Zoom meeting with all these people from Alzheimer’s Tennessee. We talk about different things every time we put up “What’s your favorite animal this week, and just crazy little things that people can talk [about]. It’s mostly all the people, even some of them, that have a hard time talking— they’re still trying to talk in this group. 

Golden-Stryer: These are folks who have a diagnosis. They all meet, and they discuss similar things happening in their lives. My mother, who has dementia, is also a part of the group, so we get to see my mom on it, but that was a good group to join. 

Being Patient:  It feels like you two are navigating this together. Can you tell me a little bit about how you’re navigating this disease together?

Lori Golden-Stryer: It was me who had to change. I had to turn around. I wanted to do everything to protect him. I took it away. When he talks about purpose, he’s referring to me because he would say, “I’m going to go cover the grill.” “No, I did that for you,” because I’m so afraid that he’s going to trip or that something’s going to happen. 

I took on too much to relieve him, and it was a mistake, and it’s important that he does empty the dishwasher. The dishes may wind up in the wrong cabinet. It’s interesting. I’m the one that needed to change, and so that’s what’s been a challenge. He’s doing great, but it is something that we’re trying to navigate together. He’s putting up with my driving, which is not easy.

“I’m the one that needed to change, and
so that’s what’s been a challenge. He’s
doing great, but it is something that
we’re trying to navigate together.”

Something that I had to learn [was] paying those bills, and I took on a lot more responsibility. What I would advise other people to do is to start that partnership earlier on and learn those responsibilities because it’s just difficult when you’re doing it on the back end. 

I’m catching up here just a little bit. He’s great. He’s just loving life and having a great time, and again, it’s me that needs to be a lot more patient. This is why I love BeingPatient.com. [I need to] also allow him to have purpose and opinions, of which he has so many.

Being Patient: Where can people learn about Living Our Best With Memory Loss? Do you have more episodes coming up?

Bob Stryer: I can do it. To start, LivingOurBest.org is our website, and everything is listed on our website. Every show that we do is on there. That’s the easiest way to do it; it’s also on Spotify [and] Facebook.

Lori Golden-Stryer: We’re all over the place, but that was exactly right. As Bob said, we’re going into our third season. We posted 20 for our first two seasons. We started just a little less than a year ago, and now, soon, we’ll have another 10 for our third season.

Katy Koop is a writer and theater artist based in Raleigh, NC.